always

always

Dear Walt, It's been a while since I've written to you though I talk to you daily and rant to you daily and laugh daily as I tell you things and sob daily because I miss you every single second of every single day. Today marks seven weeks since December...

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talking

talking

Dear Walt, I fell apart—again—the last two days for no particular reason, for many particular reasons, for one reason after another, for all the reasons piling on. I got angry and you know why. And I think I was justified. I also got irritated. Another...

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routines

routines

Dear Walt, This getting up and writing to you has become a thing. I check my—sorry, our—book sales from the day before, see my Facebook ad spend, adjust accordingly, then look at my inbox and social media notifications while drinking my coffee. Sometimes I...

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navigating

navigating

Dear Walt, I have to go to Home Depot today. Not only that, I have to go to Home Depot tomorrow. One the website tells me is 9.38 miles away because our local one does not have the last closet door we need. I also have to get the oil changed in your truck...

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water

water

Dear Walt, Yesterday I determined to have a good day. I posted a blog that was more upbeat, less depressing, yet the day was another one where the tears popped up at every turn. I am so effing frustrated over so many things. I think once I have the taxes...

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picture

picture

Dear Walt, There's a Guy Clark song, My Favorite Picture of You, that he wrote after the passing of his wife of forty years. She was a songwriter, as was he. I wonder if they shared an office, worked side by side, grabbing ideas from the ether at the same...

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exhaustion

exhaustion

Dear Walt, I'm tired. Right after December 21st happened, I had very little trouble sleeping. I wish that were still the case. I'm so exhausted because I'm starting to have weird dreams, and because I have to keep my door shut (I hate sleeping with the...

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hammering

hammering

Dear Walt, I've done a lot of adulting the last two days, most of it involving paint. And moulding to go beneath the granite top of the bar separating the living room and kitchen. And making an appointment with an attorney to settle all the things, most...

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taxes

taxes

Dear Walt, Death and taxes. Both are certain. As I was reminded so brutally four weeks ago when December 21st happened. I knew it, of course. I lost my brother unexpectedly in 1987. I lost my mother four months before I lost you. During our marriage, I...

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birth

birth

Dear Walt, A reader friend left me this quote from Sandra Cisneros's book Have You Seen Marie?: “In Mexico they say when someone you love dies, a part of you dies with them. But they forget to mention that a part of them is born in you — not immediately,...

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